New Beginnings

Well, here we are, a week after my last blog post of "letting go".  

It's amazing the power of thought has on a person.

A new mindset brings new beginnings… and this year is really ringing in with a BANG to those new beginnings….

because...

We're PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

I still can't believe it!  It doesn't quite feel real.

Jason and I swore we missed out this past month on our timing and basically put it off to the next month to continue trying.  I tested my ovulation every single day and always got negative results.  No ovulation.  One solid line, never two.  I called Dr. Juarez's office just to make sure to continue with the same dosage of Clomid, and explained how I didn't think I ovulated based on my basal body temps and the OPKs.  I convinced myself to be ready for another round of Clomid, because it looked like it was heading that way.

About a week and a half ago, I started having extremely vivid, weird, terrifying dreams.  This was completely out of the norm for me, and I was waking up drenched in sweat each time.  I also had an extremely sensitive sense of smell… patients that came in that reeked of smoke made me gag, and one night while cooking pepper steak, I swore up and down the meat was rotten (Jason assured me it wasn't).  Plus, I was eating waaaay more than I normally do.  In one week, I had Sonic and Wendy's and definitely ingested about 1500 calories in each meal…for lunch.  Fat girl status!  I tried not to take these signs too much to heart- I had gotten my hopes up once and refused to let myself do that again.  The ups and downs were so not worth it!

So, I made a promise to myself to not take a pregnancy test until the first day of my missed period.  Fast forward one week, more smell sensitivity, extreme hunger and thirst later, and this morning was the morning!

As soon as I laid the test on the bathroom counter, it instantly had a faint line in the test line space.  This had never.happened.before.  Ever.  I continued to tell myself, no way… It needs to be much darker to be a positive.  I let 3 minutes go by.  Two lines, clear as day!  I still wanted to be sure, so I ruffled through my stash of pregnancy tests and grabbed another brand.  Again, an instant second line appeared.  Another five minutes- BAM!  Two lines!!  I finally took a ClearBlue test to be absolutely positive with word confirmation: "PREGNANT."  I was shaking and ran and woke Jason up.  All we could do was laugh.  Was this real?!  We really thought there was no way this time… but apparently we did something right!  

Based on my super irregular cycle, it's hard to tell exactly when it happened and where exactly I am in my pregnancy.  As of right now, I'm going with 5 weeks, until we get a doctor's appointment and get a more accurate date.  Either way, Baby Kelton will be due sometime around September 2013!

I hate that we have to wait so long for our appointment, but that's the way it rolls.  Until then, I'll probably take a million more tests just to make sure we're still going strong!  It really doesn't feel real, and I don't think it will until we see that lovely little heartbeat on the screen.  We are so, so blessed with everything in our lives, and this just makes it even more incredible!

Here's to 2013 and many, many new firsts the year will bring!

Jen, Jason, Harley and Baby Kelton!   

Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions.

I usually never make NYR.  Every year that I've made one, I've always forgotten what that something was by April.  So, it just goes to show how non important those resolutions were to me.

This year, the obvious thing Jason and I are hoping for is to get pregnant and to start our family in 2013.  And although it sounds a bit contradictory in more than one way, I'm actually setting a resolution this year that means everything to me, and more importantly, our marriage.

My resolution for 2013 is to let go.  As I've stated in previous posts, I can't control my future and need to work on letting life take its course rather than me controlling my own path.  A baby isn't going to come the more I "feel" pregnant or the more time I spend, wishing, hoping that this miracle take form.  More importantly, I need to live in the now and appreciate everything we have around us in the now moment! 

I'm so thankful for my wonderful husband who loves me throughout everything, and our ability to finally become Mr. & Mrs. this year.    I'm thankful for our fur-baby Harley, who will always be our first-born, with his unconditional love and loyalty.  I'm thankful for the amazing things we have in our life at such a young age- owning our own home, being able to buy an awesome car, our parents and our savings for allowing us to have an amazing, outstanding, best-ever wedding this year, and all the other things that come along with being very blessed and fortunate with our possessions.  And of course, none of those things even come close to having our friends and family in our lives, another blessing we are thankful for everyday.  For having best friends that live as close as two blocks away, to as far as across and spread throughout the country, and no matter how close, far, or how much time goes in between, we always remain close.  For having an "adoptive" niece and nephew that bring us so much happiness and for their parents letting us spoil them and treat them as our own family.  For having family that is always there for us, and who support us by traveling 3,000 miles to be with us on our wedding day.  We appreciate and love every one of you!

So, here's to 2013.  Here's to expecting the best, but living the now.  I cannot even fathom how amazing our life together has become and all that we have together.  I know that one day it will bring us exactly what we want, but in the meantime, I can't forget what we already have.  

Tis' the Season and December Happenings

December is one of my favorite months of the year because of all the fun things to do and special time to spend with friends and family.  This December was no exception, and we got to enjoy our holidays with everyone important to us.

We celebrated our annual Friendsgiving (this year we celebrated in December, in past years we've celebrated right after Thanksgiving.. hence the name).  Not as many friends were in town this year for our reunion, but we still had a great time seeing everyone who did make it!  We made yummy food and had lots of drinks, as usual.  Any excuse to get together with our friends, eat, and drink is okay in our book!

Christmas tree meat and cheese platter, stolen from Pinterest.

Stacey contributed a taco box.  Totally awesome.

Besties.

Kuch and Jeremy.

Erik's GQ pose.

Jason being Jason.

I was super proud of a DIY Christmas gift that I made for baby Hudson.  I can't wait to make more of these, even if they take a looooong time to tie together!  It came out perfect and is so soft!

On Christmas Eve day, I spent a girls day with Stacey and Erin.  We had lunch at Secret Pizza in the Cosmo, and also went ice skating at their rink over the pool.  It's always a fun day when I'm with these girls and I love spending any chance I can get with them for long talks and nonstop laughter!  

Yummy Secret Pizza and PBR.  Keeping it classy.

Ice skating at the Cosmo.

Our Christmas usually is spent hopping around family to family.  We spend Christmas Eve with my Mom, Christmas morning is usually spent with us opening gifts from each other, and then my Dad comes over in the early afternoon.  After we spend time with him, we take a trip over to Jason's grandparents, and visit with them and Jason's Dad.  Then we're back over to my Mom's for Christmas dinner.  It's a busy two days but well worth it to get to visit with everyone.  

Our Christmas tree and gifts.

Jason and Harley on Christmas Day

Christmas Day with my boo.

Harley hanging out with the Christmas Nativity at Grandma's house on Christmas Eve.

We also spent some time with the Luks' family on Christmas Day and got to hang out with these two awesome kiddos:

Other random happenings this month:

We got a new Macbook, so Harley took over our old one... he's not spoiled.

Because I had lots of time off with the holidays, Harley and I slept in late and snuggled.

We went out for sushi at Oyshi with Erik and Jason's coworkers one afternoon.  They ate way too much sushi, and I had some amaaazing green tea ice cream and green tea tiramisu. 

For New Year's Eve, we went out to celebrate and ate at Firefly.  It was so good.  I had a few signature sangrias (best ever) and got to look cute, which I don't try to do often, haha!

Happy December!  Here's to what 2013 will bring!

A Test in Patience

In the back of my mind, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always had the fear that I would have a hard time becoming pregnant.  I thought this was something all women probably felt at some point in their life, and convinced myself it would be super easy to get pregnant and even the chance of a honeymoon baby would make total sense: our timing was right and it just made sense!  But, when October came around and things started getting weird with my cycle, I decided it would be beneficial to get things straight sooner rather than later.  In the last year, I had been on and off the pill based on symptomatic reasons.  Based on my history and my irregularity since last November, Dr. Juarez decided it would be a good idea to order some bloodwork and an ultrasound of my pelvis.  While the waiting game for results played out, I completely convinced myself that I was somehow pregnant and all of the home pregnancy tests I had been taking were just incorrect, my hormone levels were just too inconsistent.  Pinterest kept calling my name to search baby items and nursery décor, so my mommy-sense was turned on and baby fever was in full gear.  I felt bloated and my boobs felt sensitive.  I was completely pregnant.  I knew I was. 

Fast forward one week, one ultrasound and blood test result later, and I was completely not pregnant.  Not only was I not expecting, but I received the news that I had PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome).  It’s really not as dramatic as it sounds, and about 1 in 15 women have PCOS.  But the thought that I had PCOS, and the complete passion I had to get pregnant ASAP did not mesh well in my mind.  

Because my body does not ovulate correctly on it’s own, Dr. Juarez prescribed Provera and Clomid- Provera to help me become regular with my cycles, and Clomid to help my body ovulate.  Yep, we’re talking low-dose fertility drugs.  My days of watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Guiliana & Bill flashed in my mind… would this really be the next few years for us?  Struggling to become pregnant?  IVF?  Surrogacy?  

Starting our family was something Jason and I intended on immediately after we got married.  We’ve talked of having children together for as long as I can remember, and for those of you who know us… we’re planners.  The second our plan was shattered by the news, I went into mental breakdown mode.  Take the sudden reality of a crappy ovary function, mix it with a handful of pregnancy announcements between family, friends, and good ol’ Facebook statuses, and you get one highly emotional not pregnant lady.  How could all of these women be getting pregnant so easily and not me!?  

The last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me.   Jason has been such a supportive husband so early in our marriage and it has been extremely unfair of me to play the victim in all of this- he wants babies just as much as I do, but neither of us have control and it drives us nuts.  Fortunately, I’m turning a new attitude and focusing on the positive as much as I can.  The hardest thing I’ve had to learn (and I’m still dealing with) is letting go.  This is not in my control, and I can’t get pregnant when I want.  I’ve had an amazing support group of my family and very few close friends that have helped me stay on that positive path, and I appreciate them so much (love you guys!).   Mostly, it will happen when it’s meant to happen.

Our Clomid journey started this week.  I’m learning to be as chill as I can be with this whole process.  It’s a double standard of  “Try not to stress!” when really, there’s a lot of stress in having to take medication in order to ovulate, needing to chart my Basal Body Temperature as well as take an OPK test every morning to see if I’ll even ovulate soon.  

BUT, we’re focusing on the positive here!  I know everything is going to work itself out the way it should.  I know life isn’t going to always go the way I want, and I know it’s constantly going to be a learning process for us- in our marriage, in ourselves, in our lives.  Patience. Patience. Patience.  It will happen when it’s meant to happen.